There can be few things harder to deal with than the loss of a child.
In fact, you don’t even need to be a parent to appreciate how such a devastating experience can be life-changing for those involved.
Watford midfielder Jake Livermore and his partner Danielle lost baby Jake junior just 39 minutes after he was born in May 2014.
Now the extremely proud father of two sons, Livermore is clearly a man who puts family before everything, which is why what he and Danielle experienced hit him so hard.
When I asked him if, after it happened, he had ever thought of giving up, his reply was as chilling as it was frank: “On life or on football?”
Livermore continued to play on, but depression and its effects led to him failing a drug test for cocaine in 2015.
“Of course there are times where it was difficult to get out of bed, but at the same time having football did save me. It was healthy distraction,” he reflected.
“For 90 minutes to go out there and play with your mates and the crowd roaring you on. It’s an opportunity to be free for a little while.
“Football can give you a lot of things, but it can’t give you peace of mind.
“Did I ever seriously think about giving up football? No, I don’t think I did and it was probably the best thing for me to have something to focus on.”
With the riches and trappings of fame that come with football these days, it can often be easy to forget that players are also human beings who have loved ones.
“It wasn’t just me,” he said.
“People look at the footballer, the player – but we have parents, partners, family. You’re human beings first and foremost, and many people forget that.
“Sadly, I think there are times when footballers are not allowed to have feelings.
“But that is slowly changing, and through a lot of good campaigns people are becoming more and more aware of things, and that can only make life better for everyone. That’s not just in football, that’s life in general.”
The former England international has never shied away from talking about what happened to his family, and we discussed it with his prior consent.
“Even if my story has touched one person or one family in a positive way, or someone can take some strength when they need it from what I went through, then that’s good enough,” he said.
“Many people go through similar things, and hopefully because through what I do my story has been highlighted a bit. I really hope that helps others.”
It was shortly afterwards the Livermore left Tottenham to join Hull after a season-long loan in Humberside.
“At that point, both for my career and for my life, that move was just what I needed,” he said.
“We’d just lost our little boy and what we needed was to get away and just focus on something while not having constant reminders.
“Me and my partner moved to Hull, and it was what we needed. I had nothing else to do up there but focus on football.
“When something like that happens you are right in the thick of it, and eventually the dust settles and you have time to gather your thoughts. That was when it got harder for me.
“But we came out the other side and thankfully we have a family now.”
Moving to Watford has brought Livermore closer to his north London roots.
“I was a Spurs fan, yeah. All our family were from Edmonton originally, and we’re very much a Spurs family.
“I sort of fell into playing for them. I’d been at their Centre of Excellent as a child, and it was massive for me and my family to just be involved with the club.
“The exciting thing with a club the size of Spurs is you never know where it’s going to end up.”
He was at Tottenham for seven years, but had half a dozen spells out on loan.
“It’s so easy for players to say they’ve had it hard or they had to do this or that. I think I was fortunate because I always that backing of being a Spurs player,” he said.
“You get good loan opportunities off the back of that, being a young Spurs player with potential.
“Looking back now, the loans really helped in my development. It’s far harder for players at lower clubs to get loans and get games.
“I’ve always been grounded. My Mum wouldn’t allow me to be anything but that. And when you go out on loan to a club in a lower division, that is an experience that keeps you grounded.
“The showers, the training pitches, the facilities, the quality of training, the style of football – you become really, really appreciative of all that and the surroundings of your own club when you go out on loan somewhere else.
“I think when you go out on loan you learn a lot about yourself, not just about football.
“Your mentality, fending for yourself away from home as a young player, your sleep pattern, there is so much more that I learned about myself by going on loan other than just the football itself.
“It was always good going out on loan, but it was also always nice to go back to Spurs.”
Among the managers he played for while at Spurs was Harry Redknapp.
“Harry is a great guy. What you see of him on TV is exactly what he is,” said Livermore.
“He’s a character and I think football is losing those characters, but Harry is one that will stick with me.”
Livermore ended up making just more than 50 senior appearances for the club.
“I think I learned a lot more through training with the senior players at Spurs, and this is something I try and tell younger players now.
“I could have gone out on a long loan and played 100 games in League One, or I could have shorter loans and spend three seasons training with Scott Parker, Luke Modric and Niko Kranjcar.
“I learned a lot more, day in day out, about all aspects of professional football by being around them. Particularly the mentality, and seeing how they trained and worked every day.
“Scott Parker’s advice has always stuck with me. He said “Have an identity of where you want to play. Are you a six, an eight or a ten? You need to master one position, and then you have a niche in your career.”.
“That’s the sort of thing I learned by being around great players at Spurs, and that’s the sort of things I try to pass on to the boys here at Watford now.
“Whether it’s scoring goals, stopping goals or making goals, be good at something.
“Of course I would have loved to play more games, but I was always involved. I think it helped my career development just being and around that environment.”
Having spent the 2013/14 season on loan at Hull, Livermore made the move permanent in summer 2014 and had former Watford striker Danny Graham as a teammate.
“What Steve Bruce did do very well was recruit players and characters in a way that was second to none.
“He created an atmosphere at the club where everyone wanted to work for each other. Some players had a point to prove too.
“We had a really good squad, and Danny was right at the heart of that. He was a great team player who always worked hard, and he was a great finisher as well.
“The team structure we had at Hull was really good, and that was down to the manager.”
More than 100 appearances later, Livermore left Hull to join West Brom.
“It was a big opportunity. West Brom were flying at the time and Hull were looking to cash in on a few assets, and at the time I was seen as an asset.
“It made sense for all parties. I left respectfully and I will always have fond memories for Hull because they did a lot for me.
“We had some good years while I was there, playing in Europe and reaching an FA Cup Final. I always get a good reception when I go back there.
“But West Brom came in and it made good sense for everyone.
“Marco Silva had come in at Hull and I think he wanted to put his stamp on the team, and it was an opportunity for him to make a change.”
While at both Hull and West Brom, Livermore was part of a team promoted to the Premier League.
“I think the promotion with Hull was amazing because we won the play-off final at Wembley and that’s the way to do it if you can, with all your family there for the big day.
“In the 2019/20 season with West Brom things were dismantled by Covid, and we didn’t have fans there. That was more difficult.
“It was so hard because fans couldn’t be there and be part of it all.
“So if I had to pick one it would be the one with Hull. Football is about fans, seeing kids enjoying it at Wembley.”
It was while with West Brom in the Premier League that Livermore added six more England caps to the one he had picked up in 2012 while at Spurs. Was he worried he might join the ‘one-cap club’?
“For a period, yeah.
“When it came around for the second time I was in so many squads and involved so many times in Gareth Southgate’s camps, but didn’t really play.
“One thing I love about Gareth – and I think a lot of people get him wrong – is his honesty. He has the ability to tell you straight and I loved that.
“I told him he’d not offend me and I was happy being involved, I just wanted to know what my role was.
“He said that when we were playing the likes of San Marino we’re going to have most of the possession and I want my ball players on the pitch.
“But when we are in games where we won’t get so much of the ball, and we need more strength and structure, that’s where I’ll need you. But I want you around my squad either way, because I want you there emphasising what we’re looking for and what we want to achieve.
“I thought that was perfect for me. When you look at the games I played it was two against Germany, Brazil, Italy, that sort of thing.
“I knew where I was with Gareth and I liked his honesty in terms of what he wanted from me, and part of that was to help keep the younger players grounded and to stay on task.
“Maybe I could have had more caps, but I knew my role within the structure and I was happy with that.”
At 34, Livermore is the oldest outfield player at Watford – goalkeeper Ben Hamer is 36 – and last season in interviews with both Dan Gosling and Tom Cleverley there were discussions about how joining the ’30-plus’ club did not mean it was time to pack away the shin pads and hang up the boots.
“I think both those boys were unfortunate with injury. If they’d had a bit more luck then I might not even be here,” said Livermore.
“If you look after yourself and manage yourself through games and seasons, then you’re fine.
“I feel as fit now as I’ve ever felt. I’m not massive on stats but from what I’m told my stats are as high as anyone’s.
“I feel great. I train every day, I’m always available but that all goes back to having the right mentality. If you want to do it into your 30s then you’ve got to look after yourself.
“With the science in football now there are so many avenues that can help you if you want to use them.”
As the general in midfield, Livermore leads by example and is a player that seems impossible to knock off the ball – as Norwich striker Ashley Barnes found out recently at Vicarage Road to the delight of the Watford fans as Livermore ‘bodied’ him to the ground.
“I don’t do any upper body work actually,” said the midfielder.
“I’ve never really done it. My Dad is naturally big and weights have never been my thing.
“I wasn’t aware that fans don’t like Ashley Barnes much . . . but I do remember the challenge. Maybe give me a list of names of other players not particularly liked in the Championship!”
Away from the pitch, Livermore has moved into business – he did have a juice company and still has a car showroom where as well as buying and selling cars he also sources and restores classics.
“The juice business was taking up too much of my time, but I enjoyed it and learned a lot about nutrition.
“I’ve still got the car business. Me and my Dad loved cars, and it was something that brought us closer together.
“I wanted to emulate that with my kids and have something I could give them that wasn’t necessarily footballed related.
“With what happened to us in the past, I wanted to make sure I had something with them that created a bond.
“I’m besotted with my kids to be honest. I’ve been on the roads for many years, and so it’s nice that by being at Watford I have them around.
“They were one of the big reasons I carried on playing. It was only about a year ago that they realised the football I play was for a living, rather than just playing with my mates.
“It was once they went to school and started exchanging football cards that they were aware of what I did. I wasn’t just Dad.
“Once I told them I was leaving West Brom they wanted to know where I was going to play next.
“I said I might not carry on, but they could perhaps start playing. They said they didn’t really like playing but they loved coming to watch me.”
A keen family man, an experienced and grounded footballer and an all-round top human being – surely Livermore is destined to become a coach or manager?
“I haven’t done my badges, but it is something that now I think I should look at.
“I need to give something back to football, because football has been very good to me at times when I’ve really needed it.
“So I will, in some capacity, stay in football. I owe that to football because it has looked after me and my family mentally, emotionally, memories and so on.
“I will give something back I just don’t know in what capacity. Whether I mentor players or work in agencies where I can look after young players might be an option.
“A lot of managers now were my teammates back in the day, and if I can pick up the phone to them and talk about a young player and help to get them a chance in the game, then that would be great.
“Or coaching day in day out. Who knows. I’d like to be a manager one day maybe but I also want to spend time with my family.”
• You can read part one of this exclusive interview by clicking here.
Comments: Our rules
We want our comments to be a lively and valuable part of our community - a place where readers can debate and engage with the most important local issues. The ability to comment on our stories is a privilege, not a right, however, and that privilege may be withdrawn if it is abused or misused.
Please report any comments that break our rules.
Read the rules hereLast Updated:
Report this comment Cancel