Watford striker Andre Gray insists he is not hiding away from his responsibilities after an extended spell of poor form and recent off the field problems.
The forward has twice broken lockdown protocol in the last year, and was fined by Surrey police, while on the pitch he has scored just three goals in 43 appearances across the last two seasons.
However, in a candid interview for the club's YouTube channel, the former record transfer fee holder said he needed to "be a man" and not try to hide away from the fact that his output on and off the pitch has not been up to the standard expected by the club, or its supporters.
"I'm nearly 30 years of age, I can own up to my mistakes and I feel like I have done," said Gray. "I made the mistake twice, it's stupid. I'm not going to make excuses for it. I'm not going to hide behind anything. I've made two mistakes and I have to face up to it and be honest with myself. On the day I broke the rules and I need to be a man and take what came of it.
"I can't justify what I did, I can't make excuses and say this, that and the other because I'm in a position of responsibility and I didn't show that. All I can do is apologise."
Speaking of his form on the pitch, Gray said he is not deliberately putting in poor performances, or simply turning up to get paid.
He hopes that he can soon begin proving those who have doubted him wrong, but admits that confidence and tension are affecting his performances at the moment.
"It's a confidence thing, it's not something I've ever questioned until people started to question it," he said.
"Anyone who's played wants to succeed, whether it's for themselves or for the team, for their family or whatever it is.
"So, for me, for instance, I'm not trying not to score. I'm not trying to play badly or or whatever, that is not my thought process at all. I want to succeed and definitively prove everybody wrong.
"There's nothing more than I want than for us to get promoted again and get back into the Premier League and I want to play and I want to score the goals to do that.
"That is exactly why I get up every morning, this is why I train every day and train and try and play through little niggles and knocks that you get, just to put it right and for me as a person, I want to do it for myself, personally. Before anything.
"So I'm not here to just collect my money and just have a free ride that's just not who I am and that's not me, I'm a man with purpose and my purpose is to succeed and that's what I want to do here and the start of that is to start scoring, but most importantly is to win the league."
Asked if, mentally, this was the toughest point in his career, Gray said it was "100 per cent". However, he said he was trying to put things right and told the fans that he cares about the club and its success.
"There's been a lot of obviously expectation from outside as well as within myself so psychologically it's been tough for a while," he said. "I've never given up. I've never had a day off here. I've trained every day that I physically could, unless I was injured.
"I'm trying to put it right, I do want to succeed. For anyone who would think that I don't care, I think maybe I'm in a position now where people are just looking for the negatives, when they're watching instead of the positive side, maybe and I feel like I've always worked hard when I'm playing.
"I'm trying to put it right."
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