Religious debate is a bore

Unfortunately, the former seems to be an unavoidable topic these days, but you can’t side step the latter, either.

Every time I’ve picked up a newspaper over the last couple of weeks I’ve had to grit my teeth at yet another article wherein Professor Richard Dawkins hectors the believing classes for their lack of intelligence and rationality.

He might well be Britain’s greatest living atheist, but, boy, is he a bore! You’d think that someone who professes to have such a unique and Olympian insight into the human condition would know when to shut up, wouldn’t you?

A couple of weeks ago, we were told that the bestselling author of The God Delusion had agreed to match-fund a series of atheist adverts on London buses. Apparently this was to counter a set of posters placed by a Christian organisation.

Now, I don’t know about you, but the very last things I want to read at 8.30am on a chilly morning, while I’m squashed into a bendy bus with around 100 passengers hacking their microbes into a sealed environment, is a perky message from a bunch of God botherers or an equally strident message from Richard Dawkins and chums telling me to “get over it“.

No, I’m much more interested in reading about Madge’s divorce settlement (who gets custody of her dodgy accent, by the way?), the latest Transatlantic excesses of little Peaches Geldof or the continuing trials and tribulations of Amy Winehouse.

Forgive my utter superficiality, but considering the semi-comatose state you’ll generally find me in that time in the morning, I hardly think I’ll be up to considering a question that has vexed the very finest philosophers, theologians and humanitarians since the dawn of consciousness.

But the harassment continues.

There I was on Saturday morning last week, enjoying a lovely cup of fresh coffee and chocolate croissant, when Dawkins popped up again in the newspaper and put me right off my breakfast.

This time he was blathering on in a positively Old Testament prophet kind of way about the “pernicious effect” of fairy tales on young minds. Apparently he’s stepping down from his post at Oxford University to research whether so-called “anti-scientific” novels about spells, wizards etc. are having an insidious effect on the rationality of youthful readers.

If you can describe the fact that the Harry Potter series had encouraged a whole generation of children to read as a “pernicious effect” then I’m sure that the good professor is bang on the money.

Considering that the whole canon of classic children’s literature is stuffed with talking animals, flying boys, wicked witches, magic spells and enchanted kingdoms, then the professor has definitely got a major job on his hands.

“The book I write next year will be a children’s book on how to think about the world – science contrasted with mythical thinking,” Dawkins told Channel 4.

Hmm… definitely a must-buy for little Damien’s Christmas stocking, then?

Professor Dawkins also said: “I haven’t read Harry Potter. I have read Pullman, who is the other leading children’s author that one might mention, and I love his books.”

Well, funnily enough, I’ve read both the Harry Potter series and Philip Pullman’s Dark Materials trilogy and let me tell you it’s no surprise to me that JK Rowling’s books are currently being made into a sixth and seventh film, while The Golden Compass seems to mark the end of the line.

This time last year, when you might recall all that media rumpus around the cinema release of The Golden Compass, I was browsing for gifts in the children’s section of Waterstone’s.

Standing next to a huge display poster for the film/book/associated tat, I overheard a conversation between a boy aged about ten and his father that went something like this: Boy: “Dad can I get this book, please?”

Dad: “Have you got some money with you or shall I buy it?

Boy: “Yes. I’ve got enough for all three, actually.”

Dad: “Well, I wouldn’t bother with the other two because they’re a bit rubbish.”

At that moment the dad caught my eye and I couldn’t resist smiling.

“I shouldn’t really have said that, should I?” he said conspiratorially, adding: “A bit rubbish’ isn’t exactly the kind of literary criticism you’d expect from someone who works at the book section of The Times.”

We then had a brief conversation about Philip Pullman and agreed that although the first book in the series – which had been called Northern Lights until Hollywood got its mitts on it – was quite gripping, the rest of the series completely lost its way under the welter of Pullman’s relentless atheist dogma.

All of which would have been fine had it been remotely entertaining instead of excruciatingly dull.

Never mind that nearly every fairy tale or fable carries a strong moral message about good words and good deeds being rewarded, while a particularly nasty fate lies in store for the wicked; anything that promotes fantasy or the possibility of a universe not verified by science is clearly suspect in Dawkins’ view.

I think a world without myths and fairytales would be a very dreary place indeed, rather reminiscent of those Puritan times back in the 17th century when Christmas was banned and Cromwell employed “pudding sniffers” to scour the streets in a child-catcher style to make sure that no one was revelling.

Come to think of it, Richard Dawkins rather reminds me of flint-eyed Puritan. I think there’s something just a little too excessive in his desperation to force us all to agree with him. Do you think it possible that there’s a tiny, frightened part of him that thinks he might actually be wrong?

Speaking for myself, I pretty much hold to my initial thought that it’s quite vulgar to talk about religion, but there are two things I’m pretty sure of – it’s better to travel hopefully than to arrive and that Shakespeare, as usual, says it better than anyone else: “There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy, Horatio.”

By the way, Richard Dawkins is married to actress and former Dr Who assistant Lalla Ward. I dimly recall that back in the 80s, Lalla wrote a book called Astrology for Pets. One can only begin to imagine the conversations in the Dawkins household at teatime…