Dean no stranger to controversy

A controversial view, I know, and one that I don't wish to impose on people too heavily, because I also accept that everyone is entitled to their view, and those who are religious can take great comfort from their faith.

But I mention all this because last week, the Dean of St Albans, the Very Reverend Jeffrey John, sparked outrage after criticising the traditional teachings of Easter and saying it made God sound like a monster and a psychopath.

I personally wouldn't disagree with that summary, but I also think that I'm more entitled to arrive at it that Dean John is.

I say this because I'm a bloke who writes for a newspaper column and whose opinions can cause controversy but, ultimately, don't really count for a lot.

Dean John however, is in a totally different position. This is a man who has devoted his life to the Church; who Christians look to for guidance and direction; and who has decided that he will pass (what surely must be an offending) comment on the traditional teachings of the Church of England.

Do you remember, a good few years back, some chap called Gerald Ratner who owned a chain of high street jewellery stores?

For those that don't, it came out in the national press that Ratner, speaking at a private function, said the jewellery his stores sold was "total crap".

The chain - which had a strong brand name, even if Ratner's diagnosis was not far short of the mark - went into near ruin.

Now I'm not saying that Dean John's comments are going to bring the Church of England to its knees, but I do think he should be more careful about what he says in public.

Let's not forget that this man is no stranger to controversy, being the first gay dean in the church.

I had no problem with that, and don't see why his sexuality should have been a barrier to him getting the role.

But nevertheless, there were those in the Church who were far from happy at his appointment and you'd think that, after all the uproar his arrival caused, he would try not to make too many waves thereafter.

Seemingly not. But if I were him, I'd leave the denouncing of the Church's teachings to me when I'm drunk down the pub and concentrate more on giving his flock more of what they want to hear, and less of what they don't.

Let's face it, we've all pushed the boundaries of the law at one time or another in our lives.

Only recently, I found myself driving at 34mph in a 30mph speed limit - which in reality could have been a 50mph road, but the local police force were obviously low on cash at some point so decided that the speed limit should be unreasonably low in order to raise revenue.

Because I felt that I was driving so slowly - despite being 4mph over the limit - I considered phoning a mate on my mobile to pass the time. Then I realised that not only would I get six points on my licence for these misdemeanors, I'd also get a hefty fine that I wouldn't be able to afford, so I slowed down and watched the speedo instead.

Of course, because I'm generally a law abiding citizen, I wouldn't be lucky enough to get an Asbo, which would have two positive effects. Firstly, I'd be seen as cool by 15-year-old chavs, and secondly, I'd most likely avoid having to pay the hefty fines.

A certain Josephine Olliffe, from Horseshoe Lane, however, is not - by all accounts - so worried by the law. I've not got too much detail on this, erm, lady's previous record, but last week we reported how she has been handed an interim Asbo preventing her from masturbating, defecating or urinating in a public place.

I'll give you a moment to absorb that.

Right, are you back? Now, I have to admit at this point to having relieved myself in public on occasions when there's not a toilet for miles around and I simply have to go. When I say public, I mean some quiet dark alley that I hope nobody is going to come down.

Obviously, if Officer Dibble should happen to walk down the alley, I know I'm looking at a fine and possible criminal record, but when you gotta go, you gotta go.

That's where I draw the line however, but 52-year-old Ms Olliffe clearly sees no problem in taking things further.

That a person of 52 years of age needs to be told not to do these things in public is one thing, that she is only told not to do them is quite another.

If she is guilty, then why not just fine her instead of pussyfooting about with an Asbo? Again, if it was me, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't get one.

Without trying to play devil's advocate, can I now, for once, actually commend our justice system for sentencing the serial burglar who we reported on last week to five years jail after he manhandled an elderly woman to the floor and stole her rings. A cowardly and disgusting act if you ask me.

The sentence has attracted some criticism on our website for being too mild, but if you look at some of the scum who commit similar crimes and get let off scot free with community service orders and the like, five years could actually seem like a long time.

It's obviously a daunting prospect for the criminal in question, as apparently he tried to commit suicide twice while on remand.

Which does nothing to alter my opinion that he is nothing but a coward.

And finally, if Portsmouth beat Manchester United then Watford thump Portsmouth, does that mean Watford are better than Manchester United?

Let's hope so. Good luck for tomorrow lads.