We are constantly, as a species, looking for upgrades, be they our phones, knowledge banks, or partners. The grass that if fed to us today is always greener than the previous greenery as we all succumb to the drip-drip marketing messages and buy further into the disappointment…

One such downgrade is that of electric vehicles, now cunningly marketed as ‘EV’s to make them seem like they’re down with t’kids. As an ‘upgrade,’ the EV is anything but. It is quieter than a bog standard car thus lulling cyclists into an early grave as one of their senses is knocked out when approached from the rear, they also entice drivers into a false sense of security as usually with speed comes noise, they are expensive, difficult to charge, prone to not working in various places, take hours to juice up and that’s if you can find a charger which is unlikely…

Everyone and everything are at it: the upgrade which is ultimately a downgrade: High end photography has even been downgraded with technological upgrades levelling the playing field for the untalented who can now, via the aid of Photoshop and apps, turn the poorest of poses into something worthy of a Time magazine front cover.

But then we come to possibly the worst upgrade of all time: that of customer service. Gone are the days of trundling down to purchase a walnut cob and a copy of the daily rag from Missus Miggins down t’local shop, where, in addition to the purchase of said items, you would also be the gleeful recipient of a gallon of chunder and gossip as you were treated as a welcome visitor and not a glorified cash cow.

From the warm bosom of one to one service, we have upgraded to a staid, cold environment devoid of any warmth, love or humility as we are followed around the shop by big brother before being herded toward the ‘we must maintain our profit levels’ queues, aka self service, as we beg for a bag, and toil, unpaid, for the shareholders on a system that is as unpopular as it is unworkable.

In the words of Thomas Betram Lance, ‘if it ain't broke, don’t fix it’ to which I might add, or ‘upgrade it.’ We need to see upgrades for what they really are: Yet further revenue streams for the producers. If the PS1 was good enough, or the original word for Windows, or even the iPhone, come to that, then there would be little to no need for new versions which solve problems that are but a figment of the imagination. Or maybe it’s the plan all along, which would be my guess: to purposely keep your powder dry and hold back so that an incremental ‘improvement’ can be released in a year’s time as the cash comes rolling in yet again and keeps the shareholders nicely lubricated with healthy dividend payments.

Either that or I am one cynical son of a gun, but, either way, I say stick with what you know and stop allowing them to take us as the gullible clowns we are proving ourselves to be as, a change of mindset is the only real upgrade we need…

  • Brett Ellis is a teacher