There are certain celebrities who I cannot bear but who have, inexplicably, through a war of over exposed attrition finally won me around: See Graham Norton, James Blunt, and Richard Osman.

With the Osman, I cannot/ could not bear to see him explain some trivial matter on Pointless, a programme that is the televisual equivalent of watching paint dry before I realised he’s actually a pretty interesting and intelligent chap and, well, I’m a sucker for intellectual titbits so he now finds his way onto my side of the tolerance fence.

And so, when he recently appeared in a video loosely entitled ‘bands’ on my timeline, I did what I wouldn’t have many moons ago and gave it the time of day and was shocked by its findings.

What made his video even more interesting was the realisation that his brother, Mat, is still the bassist in the 90’s band Suede.

Now I have written previously about how the talent show has killed off musical careers before they even got started and, no doubt, there are another Beatles or five out there who never got their shot as producers prefer to go with throwaway bubble gum pop, the ilk of Taylor Swift, with which to cash in before a newer younger model comes calling on the casting couch.

The death of bands is astounding as Osman explains: In the first half of the 1980s there were 146 weeks when bands were Number 1. In the 90’s there were 141 weeks. In the first five years of this decade, the twenties, bands have been top of the pops for a total of three weeks. Of these three weeks, one was the Radio One live lounge which featured, mainly, solo performers, another week was the Beatles with the third week being, unfathomably, Little Mix. The current Top 40 as I write does not contain a single band who were formed this century.

But why should it matter? Well, as an old fogey whose kids, thankfully, enjoy listening to Oasis and the Beatles as opposed to ‘grime’ or bubble gum pop collaborations between Central Cee featuring Lil baby, we will have a dearth of nostalgia when our kids become parents. What will Absolute Radio do when they have to come up with an Absolute 20’s station as they have with the 80’s and 90’s as there are no bands to bank some listening figures with, with, in its place, Camrinwatsin and BBYclose (a collaboration I think) and blessed madonan and ‘Douglas’ instead clogging up the airwaves much like a log in a public latrine.

The current UK Top 40, at the time of writing, also contained Dancing in the Dark by Springsteen, which must have been used on some teen show and, much like Kate Bush’s Running Up That Hill is now enjoying a brief resurgence as well as three singles by Eminem and one from Coldplay.

But new bands? Forget it. There are none, as they tread the boards in local venues and perfect their craft whilst spending as much time creating hype on social media as they do strumming their new tunes, but sadly it seems, to no avail.

Britain has led culturally for decades when it comes to music but now, we have truly shot ourselves in the foot. Three weeks in five years at Number 1 and with Little Mix as the only one formed this century tells its own tale and I for one lament its demise as we placate ourselves with throwaway over produced dittys from some unpronounceable American artist who will be back in the Z league once their 15 minutes has flown….

  • Brett Ellis is a teacher